Using Brainspotting to Heal Betrayal Trauma
Have you ever had a pretty emotional response to something that you knew “wasn’t that big of a deal?”
It caught even you off guard to get so upset about something you rationally knew is relatively minor.
Or maybe every February you notice that you start to feel more down than usual - and three Februarys ago you learned about the infidelity for the first time. It doesn’t make sense to you. It’s been years. You’ve worked through this.
You wonder…
Why do I feel so triggered over and over again?
If time has passed, shouldn’t I be “moved on” by now?
What Is Betrayal Trauma?
Betrayal trauma is the emotional and physiological response to a deep rupture of trust, most commonly through infidelity, secrecy, or a partner’s double life.
Part of what makes trauma trauma is that it has lasting effects on us - physiologically, emotionally, psychologically. Research over and over again has shown us that significant, traumatic events in our life can get “stuck” in the body.
How Infidelity Trauma Gets Stored in the Body
When something traumatic happens to us, our brain takes a mental picture of everything about that moment. The sights, sounds, dates, patterns, tone of voice, etc. It memorizes it and then activates your nervous system when anything familiar to that trauma comes up again.
It’s your body’s alarm system going, “Danger, danger! Last time it was like this you were not okay and so this isn’t okay!”
Why You Still Feel Triggered Years After Infidelity
This is why we can’t just “get over it.” This is why your body still responds with a pounding heart when you see your husband close a door and closed doors used to represent him engaging with an affair partner.
While you might believe he’s no longer doing this, your body has a different response.
That pain goes somewhere deep inside our subcortical brain, where words have a difficult time reaching. Perhaps, as you read this, you’ve already completed hours of talk therapy and still it feels that there is a depth to the trauma that hasn’t yet been touched. And not for lack of trying!
What Trauma Stored in the Body Feels Like
Trauma locked up inside the body can feel like…
Particular dates or seasons leading to what feels like unexplained sadness or loss of energy
Physical symptoms like headaches, tension, or fatigue
Waves of anxiety when plans change unexpectedly
Constantly scanning for clues, even when things have been “good” for a while
Big reactions to small events
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and these are very common reactions to trauma. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you.
How Brainspotting Helps Heal Betrayal Trauma
This is where the gift of Brainspotting can come in.
Brainspotting is a body-based trauma therapy that utilizes your visual field to help unprocessed trauma be released. Entirely different than traditional talk therapy, it’s a body-based approach to help your brain release what you can’t always reach by simply “talking through it.”
Have you ever heard the phrase “you can’t think your way to a new feeling, you have to feel your way to a new feeling?” Brainspotting is like that, accessing the deepest parts of where the pain is held to help you feel your way to a new feeling.
Clients will often say something like, “I know this happened a while ago, but my body believes that now.”
You can read more about Brainspotting here.
Healing from Infidelity Trauma Is Possible
If you’ve found yourself confused and frustrated that you continue to experience triggers and emotional upset, you’re not alone and you’re definitely not crazy! It’s just your body’s way of working through what’s happened to you and trying to keep you safe. It just hasn’t fully processed what happened yet. With the right kind of support, that can change.
You might also enjoy reading my blog, “Obsessive Thoughts After Betrayal: Why it Happens + Help in Austin, TX”
Betrayal Trauma Therapy in Austin, Texas
I’d love to meet with you, hear your story, and utilize the powerful treatment of Brainspotting to help your body and brain heal.
I’m a Christian counselor based in Austin, Texas who specializes in helping individuals heal from betrayal trauma and infidelity. Using Brainspotting and other trauma-informed approaches, I help clients move beyond just understanding their pain into actually experiencing relief in their body and nervous system.
Reach out to me today. I’d genuinely be honored to hear your story and work with you.
